Thursday, February 21, 2008

Can you be friends with your ex?

The big debate: The Ex. I've heard so many viewpoints on this I thought I'd share my own. Being tight with your ex can cause so many problems, it's best to keep this relationship to an acquaintance at best. You once had a strong connection - can you really move on if you still see the person all the time? Will your new gf/bf be accepting of this or be put in an awkward position? This constant reminder of the past can be quite threatening to a new partner.

Sure it’s the mature thing to be able to communicate civily, send birthday notes or inquire about their family. Sending valentines thoughts, visiting all the time, and hanging out how you used to are not acceptable. In my experience, one half of the ex-couple still has feelings for the other. They then believe that staying friends can create a chance to re-kindle that romance. These expectations should NOT be set up – you break up for a reason, unless it’s a mistake or misunderstanding and in that case, rules don’t apply. Let GO of your ex and move on! You never know what great stuff is out there!

~Sophia Sparx


Bugz! said...

not really, I wouldn't recommend

UltimateAdrianPeterson said...

Interesting Article! Lots of interesting topics on your blog - keep up the good work!

D said...

I guess I am looking for some answers. The breakup was mutual, but this is someone I care about. I just don't want to be intimate with him. I don't trust him on that level.

Anonymous said...

Civility is a must, but ex's can never be "just friends" ever again. There is always something more to it, usually a muted mixture of passion, longing, frustration, bitterness, pain, and love. All of those intense emotions, but no longer intense. (Well... usually the person with the least success in achieving a fulfilling romantic/dating life will still feel them intensely.)

You've got 3 options:
1. Be civil acquaintances
2. Become like brother/sister
3. Revel in the sexual tension and even indulge and give in to it on occasion. (however, you better make sure your condoms are in perfect working order!)

- A Confident Man Who's In Demand

Anonymous said...

I wasn't really in a relationship, but the girl I was hanging out with (whom I was attracted to), kept talking about her exes. It was really tiring that everytime we talk about a topic, there's ALWAYS another guy's name came up. I could be talking about liking to cook and she'd be like "Yeah, John used to cook for me, not like Mark"..I'm like who's John?? "well I used to date John" Well who's mark?? "Mark was a UPS guy when I was with John...then we started going out after I broke up with John."

I'm still nauseated thinking about that.

I don't know...I could be insecure, but I think talking about your exes like they're still part of your life is just disrespectful to the person you're hanging out with (opposite sex)..especially if you are hanging out on almost weekly basis. I've had a few exes of my own and normally when I go out with a new friend, I can pick MANY topics that won't have to include my exes.

Am I being unreasonable?